Today, some of us women were getting pedicures done by our Kenyan friend, Naomi.
To get things straight, don’t be dissin’ us women for getting pedicures while living in Africa. One, when you wear sandals every day in the weather here, your heels get so cracked you can hold a five dollar bill in the cracks. Two, it gives Naomi business, a lot of business, to take care of herself and child. We promote her and her wonderful work she does. J
Anyway, on to my Naomi story.
As I was getting a pedicure from Naomi, we talked about relationships, marriage and children. She asked if Sean and I were planning on having children and I said that yes, someday we would like to have children.
In the Kenyan culture, you should become pregnant in your first year of marriage. If you do not, people will begin to think that there is something wrong with you. In many cases, if a woman cannot bear children, the man will leave her and find another woman to give him children. As Naomi said, the only reason for marriage is to procreate. If there is no procreation, marriage is just a waste of time.
I was baffled by this discussion. Marriage a waste time if you can’t have children? What about the love? The commitment?
We talked more.
I asked Naomi how long do Kenyans “courtship” for before marriage. She said that it’s not long at all. In fact, she said, after two weeks of courtship, she conceived. Wait? After two weeks of courtship, she CONCEIVED. I asked her to clarify; perhaps she meant after two weeks of courtship, they got married. No, she conceived. She barely knew the man whom she had a child with. She was fresh out of high school.
I asked Naomi what her family life was like. She told me that her father had three wives; her mother being the second wife of the three. She said that her father had thirty children. There were nine from the first wife, nine from the second wife and four from the third wife. I did the math quickly and said that it didn’t equal the thirty children. She said that the rest of the children were born outside of the three wives. They were from mistresses and other types of women. She said she didn’t even know all of her half siblings; there were just too many of them.
She said that most of her step-siblings hated their father. There were so many children; he didn’t have time for most of them so many lacked the father bonding relationship. But then again, father bonding relationships are rare in this culture to begin with.
It saddened me.
Its common here; so incredibly common.
We also talked about God, church and faith. She asked what church I went to in Kitale on Sundays. I told her that I didn’t go to church in Kitale or on Sundays. This surprised her. She asked me then how or when do I pray or worship or praise God. I said that I do that every day. I don’t reserve it for just Sundays. A relationship with God, worshipping and praising Him is every day.
It was like a new concept for her. Praying, worshipping and praising don’t have to be just on Sundays?
I told her about “the church”, the body. Again, a new concept for her.
She then looked at me and said, “My people need to know this. I need to know this.”
I think I want to have a whole lot more pedicures and a few cups of chai with Naomi. We have a lot to talk about.
